Golden Retrievers

History of the Breed

Golden Characteristics

Dog Friendly Holidays

Dog Years/Human Years

Daily Doggie News

Unusual Dog Names

A Promise to Your Dog


Dog Ecards

Doggie Games

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Doggie Printables

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Virtual Desktop Dogs

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Original Dog Clipart

Web Site Scripts/Tips


Tammys Pedigree

Tammys Profile

Puppy Years

Golden Years

Slide Show

Saying Goodbye

Making a Dog Scrapbook

Petloss Help


Add a Memorial

Ways to Remember

Saying Goodbye
is not Forever Song

Dog Poetry

Petloss Ecards


"Tears are proof of life.

The more love, the more tears.

If this be true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether.

For then the memory of love would go with it.

The pain of grief is the price we pay for love"

the very last picture of My Tammy
The Last picture of Tammy

I was all alone on the floor screaming and yelling with pain hearing it as if it was coming from someone else. A large part of me - the most important part died along with Tammy on the first day of April 2000. Fifteen years of love and friendship ended with an injection from someone who thought she she was just another old dog.
I have never known such pain, my health quickly deteriorated and I was rushed into hospital. The doctors refused to believe
that my condition could have been caused by "just the death of a dog " They insisted I must have a serious infection and put me through all sorts of tests.
But they had no tests for a broken heart.

When I was in hospital it was easy to pretend that everything was normal. I was in hospital and Tammy was at home waiting for me. I would return home and we would rush to each other and Tammy would squeal with delight and I would cry with joy, and we would snuggle and cuddle together again.
But the day came when I was discharged from hospital and for the first time ever I did not want to go home. I wheeled out of the hospital on that cold April day and it was pouring of rain. It felt as if the whole world was crying for her too. I got into the car and the trip back to the place which used to be my home began. On other trips home from the hospital I would start shouting " I'm coming Tammy, I'm coming !" As we got nearer to home I would shout louder excited at seeing her again. The worst part of being in hospital was always being apart from Tammy. In 1998 I spent 4 weeks in hospital and this is what I wrote in my notebook
" I'm going to hold Tammy so close when I get home, and never ever let her go. I won't ever be parted from her again. It's breaking my heart it hurts more than all of this "
I am pleased to say I never was parted from her again, my family tried to persuade me to leave her behind when we went on holiday in October 1999, but of course I would not.

The Last picture of us together

On this trip I had to bite my tongue, as my heart sank to my stomach and huge tears rolled down my face.
This trip was much shorter than all the previous ones had been, and all too soon we were back at the place which used to feel like home.
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life was to wheel into the bungalow through the kitchen door, and Tammy was not there to excitedly greet me and never would be again. I broke down and could not manage to manoeuvre my wheelchair and someone had to push me. I held my hands out in front of me, to stroke my best friend who was no longer there, and I wished that I had died too.

Tammy's casket was sitting on my bed, and I hugged it as I had once hugged her. I wondered what would be the best thing to do with her ashes, I am not religious, I do not believe in heaven or hell. I wish I could believe in The Rainbow Bridge as I would have gone there to meet up with her by now, but I don't believe.
My Tammy is dead and gone forever and we will never be together again - only in my heart where she is safely buried with my love and gratitude.
I wondered what Tammy might have said if I had been able to ask her what she would have liked to be done with her ashes, I think she would probably have said "I want them to stay with you Mum" So I have kept them with me, I have no illusions I know that they are not her.
When I die my mother has promised to have me cremated and to mix my ashes with Tammy's , and have us sprinkled together in Gills Lap (The Enchanted Place in A.A. Milne's Pooh books)

"Pooh when I'm you know - when I'm not doing nothing, will you come up here sometimes ?"
"Just me?"
"Yes Pooh"
"Will you be here too?"
"Yes Pooh, I will be really. I promise I will be Pooh."
"That's good" said Pooh
"Pooh promise you won't forget about me ever. Not even when I'm a hundred"
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety nine"
"I promise"he said
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh's paw.
"Pooh" he said earnestly "if....if I'm not quite..." he stopped and tried again."Pooh whatever happens, you will understand won't you?"
"Understand what?"
"Oh nothing" he laughed and jumped to his feet "Come on !"
"Where?" said Pooh
"Anywhere" said Christopher Robin
So they went off together. But wherever they go and whatever happens to them on the way, in that Enchanted Place on the top of the Forest a little boy and his Bear will always be playing

Tammy you softened and helped me to cope with my health and disability problems. I could not have faced or survived it all without you. You truly were an Angel.
If we had not shared such happiness and fun, and had not loved each other so very much I would not be feeling the pain I feel every day now.
I am grateful for my pain, because it means I knew true love.
Thank you my Angel.
Your Mummy loves you more than anyone in the world and back again twice.

Love Cannot Die.

recyclebin graphics

"True love doesn't have a happy ending, true love doesn't have an ending"

I have had many emails and guestbook entries asking me how things are now, and if I have another dog etc - so I have written an Epilogue(August 2005)